i’m gonna switch to blogger people…
since i blog more often now, think blogger would be a better choice….
so, for those of you guys who think my blog is an okay read and would like to visit it in the future,
its…
www.mewithoutamask.blogspot.com
Ordinary day it was…night actually…
And as I walked through the tunnel, I
caught a glimpse of a really old man. He was bent, his knees quite far apart
from each other and looked weak. Yet, he had a smile on his face, a sweet,
happy, contented smile. I wondered what he could possibly be happy about. I
mean, he was old, weak and he was in the hospital. That doesn’t look like good
news to me…
Then, I saw a young boy, possibly 13 or 14
years old, accompanying him and walking right beside that old man. Aah,
grandson, I guess… But it took me quite some time for this foolish mind of mine
to comprehend that the reason behind that old man’s smile may be that little
boy beside him. Sweet, simple life and love.
One time ago, that old man was a
20-year-old just like you and me. I was amazed but at the same time a little
frightened, when I realised how life can lead to dramatic and different turns
in life. Yes, ageing is a normal process but emotional progression that
accompanies the physical progression is what makes ageing fascinating, if not
frightening.
From being carefree, independent, healthy,
young, vibrant and good-looking, we are converted to somebody weak, slow,
dependent, wrinkled with creaky bones by waves of time. Fascinating what life
can do to man. Even more fascinating is when we try to figure out why…
When you look back
at how you’ve lived your life so far, are you happy?
Do you feel
contentment and satisfaction?
When you look back
at how you’ve lived your life, can you say that you’ve touched lives? Even if
they were in small ways.
When you look back
at how you’ve lived your life so far, can you say you haven’t been selfish?
That you’ve learned to put others first? Did you give something back to those
who do not have as much as you do or even just enough?
Did you make time
for others? Especially those in need. Did you forgive and help when you didn’t
have to and when the other party didn’t deserve it?
These are
questions , I think, we should ask ourselves often.
Sometimes, we are
very happy and contented with our life because we feel blessed for having
friends, a family, that special someone… We are happy with what we have and
spend our time and energy showing our love to them… which is a great thing… To
some, family comes first, followed by their partner and finally their friends.
To others, the order may be different.
BUT…
At the end of the
day, what we think is a perfect life may not be so perfect after all. IF we
thought about it profoundly, then maybe we’d realise that we’ve lead a selfish
life. We love those who love us. We shower those who are closest to us or
‘belong’ to us with gifts and appreciative gestures. And we become so occupied
living our life for ourselves. SO occupied with MY life. Life becomes about ME
and MY family and MY friends and MY partner.
I feel that we should
learn to spend time with others who have nothing to do with us. Learn to give
to those who have nothing to do with us. Learn to listen and feel and love
those who we do not know. Can we love, care and set aside our time for somebody
who’s not related to us? Somebody who’s not our friend, not our family, not our
girlfriend or boyfriend? Somebody who’s a complete stranger.
When we do that, maybe
then, we can be satisfied and contented with the way we lived our life. Then we
can say we loved from our heart, that we spent parts of our life for others.
Be selfless. Make
a difference.
Because life is
not about ME or YOU. It is about US.And US = everybody
around us. Those we know and we don’t know.
We can touch and
save lives by spending a simple 10 minutes with a stranger.
P.s Please don’t
try to be funny and come up with excuses and say “Strangers are not trustable.
They’re dangerous”. When I say stranger, I mean those at refuge centres,
orphanages, old folks home, health centres, HIV/AIDS centres etc.
Think about it………
Some people say that my ideas or ideologies
are too ideal, too perfect. I don’t know what to say to that.
My ideas may be ideal but they are not
utopian. They are not impossible. And I know this because I’ve done them
before.
I don’t put forward ideas that are not
practical because I, myself do not believe in ideas that are so ideal, until
they’re impossible.
What I say are only things I’ve experienced
and done before, making them possible ideals…
Don’t continue looking for excuses to avoid
challenging situation. Challenges are scintillating…
Things I want to do at least once(in reality and not in dreams) before I die but I know for sure I can’t/won’t
p.s *David = fictional name
Things I want to do at least ONCE before I die….
I was sitting in my college dewan makan having my dinner, and suddenly my friend mentioned SMALLVILLE….
AND……………………………………………………………….
All the memory and past emotions came flooding down….
You see, I was in love……not with smallville but with Lex Luthor, the fictional character in the show (maybe he wasn’t that fictional to me….)…I seriously mean ‘IN LOVE’….NO! I wasn’t a fan…. I was in-love with him…engaged emotionally…I don’t know how…think it’s my ability to empathise…
Neways, I was in love with him…not only because he was so good looking and smokingly BALD….but more importantly because I felt he was a ‘living’ evidence about something I strongly believed in…that…
Everybody’s got some good in them…
Even the most evil villain will have some good in him… Lex Luthor was always potrayed as downright evil in all the previous ‘Superman’ movies or series but Smallville, in smallville…there was more to him, there was more than what meets the eye. He had so much goodness in him deep down, which was masked or disguised with his anger or reluctance to help others unless there’s something in it for him…
He was afraid to show his good side to others because he was afraid it would be taken for granted and that he may get hurt in the process. Being defensive, avoiding emotional engagement (be it in friendship or relationship), avoiding commitment, acting rude or selfish, being distant…all this sometimes says more about the person than just someone mean, selfish or self-orientated…Sometimes, it says that they’re afraid cuz they’ve been hurt before, that they feel it’s better to hurt than get hurt…I think many of us, though we may not want to admit it, are very much like Lex. Well, let me start..i’m definitely one of them…maybe not entirely but bits of me definitely is…
But when, he decided to forget about his insecurities and do good without demanding anything in return, I couldn’t help but truly believe that YES, everybody has good in him… Maybe that was why I fell in love with him…
But….
Over the episodes and seasons, where he seemed to be changing to fall back to his old deceptive, mean character…my heart broke….it truly did… I couldn’t help but feel a huge sense of disappointment and REAL hurt everytime I see him doing something mean or evil… I couldn’t take it…I couldn’t watch him turn into someone else…someone less than what he truly can be…I stopped watching Smallville…
But, even until today, I firmly believe, that everybody has some good in them… Sometimes, we choose to ignore it and choose the easier path, to hurt others but that part of you that is good, it’ll never die…I hope it doesn’t…because that part is what makes any human being, deserving of second chances, of love and affection, of forgiveness, of care and comfort, of consolation and acceptance….
Next time, when somebody do you evil (or just kiddish naughty or bad), remember that there’s good in him…and he might just be too afraid to let it out… Give him a second chance and teach him trust you…show him it’s ok, that you’re not gonna hurt him…Love his goodness, even when you can’t see it….
I’m trying to rediscover my older style of writing…
One that is more jovial, less serious, less depressing…
At the same time, I want to learn to put down exactly the way words form in my brain, instead of constantly restructuring them into sentences that make sense…How boring is that? Unless….this is how my brain thinks….now, that’ll be even worse… a boring brain…Yuck….
18.01.2008
Ever felt so disorientated? So unsure what to do next? Not with your life but even simple things like where I should walk to now? Is it time for dinner? Ever felt so disorientated and unsure of what to do with the next second or moment of your life? Ever felt so blank and purposeless? Ever felt so lost in your own life? You wake up one day and you don’t know what to do next. Ever felt like you didn’t belong anywhere and everywhere that you’re (physically) part of now? I get that. Often.
Don’t know where I’m heading. One moment I’m think I see a road and know what I’m doing with my life, and the next, I’m just blank. Things that you want to do but never could seem to be able to do. Things you seem to do (successfully) and yet never feel like you wanted to do them in the first place. Faithful friends that you make, beautiful relationships that you’ve formed with people, commitments you’ve made, untold sacrifices you’ve done, love that you’ve shown, everything seem to fade with time, some appreciated, some unappreciated. Nevertheless, everything fades and you feel like once again, you’re standing at the starting point in the ‘relay of life’ to start over from scratch.
Nothing is eternal, nothing stays. This gives me the feeling of senselessness or purposeless. What is the point of all this? Why do we give and do so much for something that doesn’t last even for a short two months? What am I doing with my life? Should I go on and repeat that cycle in my life and just pretend that I’m alright with my life? Pretend that I’m fine?
So many questions and I’m still looking for an answer….
30.01.2008
I love thinking,
Thinking about how it was, how it is and how it will be,
Thinking about what all these may mean…
I love to dance,
Not like the hot clubbing moves,
But like the ally macbeal ‘i-move-how-i-want-to-and-how-i-feel-like-moving’…
I love children,
Those that worry not about unnecessary things like money, power, influence, impression or reputation like some adults do,
Those that believe good food, good friends to play with and a family is all you need to live…
I love to see genuine happiness in people,
sparked by simple actions of care,
love to see genuine care and love from people
to their friends or family
but especially so to strangers…
I love to see tolerance and people giving each other chances to do better,
I love to see the fruits of simple, kind, selfless acts,
I love to see people who challenge others to be or think differently…
I love to walk under the rain,
With an umbrella over my head,
Just to hear the sound of rain,
And to feel the touch of water on my feet…
Love to stare at majestic purple or red or orange sunrise or sunset,
Love to stare at the sky and see what the clouds are telling me,
Love to see trees and leaves, those green ones that tell me “LIFE!!”…
Love my family for showing me that unconditional love is not a utopian concept,
For giving me freedom to be me, to do what I believe in,
For trusting me…
I love God,
For being there every step of the way,
For challenging and showing me that I can do it,
For blessing me endlessly,
For loving me,
And showing me what love is truly about…
I love the uncertainties in life,
The ‘what-ifs’, the ‘whys’ and ‘hows’,
I love our dependence on each other,
The differences that exists,
The questions that arise,
And the imperfections that make life all the more interesting.
p.s it’s funny how emotions fluctuate … just a week ago, the emotions were entirely different and the next, i’m writing about what i love about life…i still can’t figure myself out…
No more personal issue blogs…
I’ve got bigger things in mind…
Well, what I’m going to opine about in this
blog may raise a lot of eyebrow and disagreements…and I welcome them all
because I think more opinions from others will only widen my horizons…
So, here goes…
Two weeks ago, a friend of mine, invited me
to the Church that he attends (he attends Evangelical church). First, he
invited me to a play the Church organised, which I went for and really enjoyed
myself, as it was a very well-acted play with thought-provoking themes. After
that, he invited me to bible study in the same church, which I eventually ended
up attending…
I’m from a different denomination, you see…and
I remember what he told me when he saw me hesitating to join him for the bible
study. He said, ‘I’m not trying to convert you or anything, feli. I just
thought you will find it interesting because u’re a thinker with a lot of
questions…’ When he said this, I replied, ‘I know you’re not trying to convert
me……are you?’. I ended up going because I wasn’t going to let my humanly weakness
of scepticism stand in between me and my Father.
I knew he’s probably not trying to convert
me but there was still a tinge bit of scepticism in me about his offer….
You guys can’t see where I’m leading this
to…be patient…
You see, the Christian community in divided
into almost 2000 denominations with major denominatios being the Orthodox
Christian Church, The Roman Catholic Church and the Protestant Church.
Of course there are many other familiar churches such as the Anglican, the
Baptist, the Evangelical church, the Church of Christ and the list
can really go on..
Our Father had warned us early and told us
specifically against dividing His church…He mentioned it specifically because
He saw it coming…but due to our ignorance, and selfishness (we can provide
various logical reasons as to why the separation and division was necessary but
I choose to believe that we could have found other solutions by keeping in mind
what our Father warned us against) we ignored His warnings and divided his
Church…We came up with justification as to why it was necessary…and now look at
where we are standing after approximately 500 yrs since the first division
occurred. The Church is divided into thousands of smaller fragment, all claiming
to be the better choice or even worse, the only right choice….
I sincerely believe, despite the small
differences (I believe that if you really study the differences between the
denominations, the differences aren’t as great as propagated to result into
formation of almost 2000 denominations. Some key differences do exist in some
of the denominations…most of them due to the difference in interpretation), all
Christian churches are rooted in Christ and inspired by him. No Christian
church that promotes and preaches Christ’s love, and Him can be inspired by
something evil or lesser a Christian church.
I do know that I am just a 20-year old
youth, who may know less than many of the learned Christians out there but I
hope you can see what I’m trying to say.
Now, we Christian brothers of different
churches seem to be involved in an ongoing duel or race to prove who’s the
better or the ‘right’ church. Each individual denominations compare and try to
convince themselves and others on why theirs is the right, best choice…in
formal words, it’s called Proselytising…When I look at ourselves, I remember
the passage in the bible where the disciples of Jesus had a feud about who’s
the greatest disciple and I can’t help but see a parallel line between the two
situations.
All my life, I’ve been questioned for being
a Catholic and about its many ‘wrong’ or ‘unchristian-like’ practices…and I had
to read up so much to understand the differences and the explanation behind the
Catholic practices to be able to defend myself. When my friends from other
Churches invite me to their youth group activities or to their church, I would
go because I believe in exploring and understanding the differences. In that
process, I sometimes, try to find reasons to convince myself why the Catholic
Church is the right choice…
But recently, I understood that I didn’t
have to convince myself that the Catholic Church is the right choice…because I
believe that there can’t be wrong choice when it comes to becoming part of a
Church as all (exclude the cults) Churches are rooted in Christ. When we
sometimes, so childishly try to convince other Christians to join our church, I
can feel our Father’s sadness and disappointment with what we are doing to His
Church. We have divided ourselves into separate entities and continue to widen
the gap. We have collaborative global efforts on certain issues but we never
acknowledge the equality of our partner churches.
And that troubles my thought so much,
because efforts to bring churches together more than just the superficial way
seems futile.That breaks my heart.
I can’t possibly marry a Christian from a
different denomination unless he converts…and that seems ridiculous…he’s a
Christian but that’s not enough? What would Our Father say? I wonder…if we did
marry, what would our child be? And if our child looks at the differences
between our churches and asks us why such a thing exists in her innocent
confused nature, how can we explain to her without sounding redundant and
ridiculous? I don’t know.
I wish more will see the similarities that
exist between us, and stop widening the gap between the Churches because I will
confidently that our Father would want to see His children together than
apart…I still feel heartbroken in ways I can’t really explain but I do know
that trying to convince other to see my point is going to be a great challenge.
Many will disagree, and I accept that. I am
open to comments but I hope you are open to mine too.
